people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
