how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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