How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
