I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
