Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize