I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
