He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
