I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
