woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
