this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
