So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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