why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize