Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
