Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The best revenge is premature balding
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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