Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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