that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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