Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
