You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
