If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Alive.
So much puke
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
