I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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