you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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