If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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