Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
