Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
