and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
