@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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