he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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