my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Drunk is not a location!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
