I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I pour the whiskey from now on
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
