listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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