I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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