I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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