My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize