Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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