he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
