Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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