Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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