he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
