The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
