So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
