She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
