Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
