the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
