physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
