who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
All the doctor said was why
Randomize