Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
