my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
