Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
