omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
third nipple confirmed
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
