Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
