OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
