1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
