apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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