i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
