Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
