I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
