Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
