dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
