I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
