the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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