Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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