I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
