In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
