The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
