Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
