i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
