His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
