fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
