I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
