so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
