I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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