remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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