found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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