Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
