I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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