Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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