Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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