DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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