I hope mine doesn't look like that
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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