You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
