I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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