I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
