real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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