porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I party with great urgency now.
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